Wednesday, September 15, 2010


In the sweet wintry months of 2009 I coined the term "Recessionista" for myself. You might be asking yourself, what does that mean? It means that you still live fabulously on a low to no budget budget. Still be seen at the same spots where you have been seen before....same clubs, same shows, same spots; afterall, no one needs to know that your bank account is overdrawna and your EBT card empty. Throw on a boat, a pair of shades, plaster a smile on and strut down the street somewhere.So needless to say I have spent a great deal of time thinkin of what I could do for really cheap that would still keep my face out and about and that would give me something to do....i came up with coffee. Think of this: it's cheap, it's cute, prime people watching and you can get things done. There is only one big problem with this: I'm caffeine sensitive. One drop of coffee and I literally could run up and down the Statue of Liberty in one swoop. I am what the kids call naturally hyper. As a child sugar was not allowed in my diet. AT ALL. I think to remedy my amounts of crazy energy my mother would send me outside and by send my outside I mean lock me out the house and tell me not to bring my ass back inside until dinner time. I mean i'm not mad at her. I was a nappy head chocolate ball of energy. I often used my outside times as times of discovery. Solo football games, creating operas, playing waterhose, dry humping the boys in my know-innocent things. Fridays, oh Fridays were my favorite days. I got a chance to have sugar and that was the one day of the week my mother hated. I was allowed a Lipton Brisk Iced Tea and a Twix, aka a shit show in plastic. I got my treat at 5, by 630 I was passed out from sugar overload. You may laugh but in that hour and a half between joy and dispair was so much crazy YOU would have died. I'm just saying one day I woke up out of one of my sugar blackouts and a dead goat was lying beside me with it's tail dyed and least that's what I remember![insert inquisitive eyebrow raise and scary dramatic music] And you would think that as you grow older it would calm down some, not so much. I sit here now heart a fluttering because I was feeling lovely today and had two Venti drinks from Starbucks. I promise you, if it was not for me trying to be smooth in front of this extremely attractive browned eyed big booty boy sitting in front of me I would be doing cartwheels and cooterslams!!! I am T minus 15 minutes before I pass out, asleep, on the bathroom floor of Starbucks among the morning pee and your general STD's. Oh a day in the life!

love plussize twink,

p.s. coffee makes you poo!!!!