Imma say this shit loud and clear: I love being Southern. People say why do you love such a backwards, inbred, ignorant place and I say: kiss my ass? I mean isn't that just a natural response to someone who tries to disrespect the thing you love so much. I say give me a home where the toothless bitches roam. Okrrrrrr!
Almost six years ago I made a decision to leave the South and move to NYC and I knew then that a part of me would never be the same again. It's THAT part of me that is making me write today.
Welcome to NYC, home of big words, concrete, homeless people, high taxes and hustle.
Oh Lord, I hit the town running. My first day in NYC would pretty much shape the rest of my time here. I turn onto 42 from the Tunnel and my best friend said, "Here you go Girl!" Next thing you know Billy Joel's Uptown Girl was blasting through the speakers as we headed up the West Side Highway. Later on that night I went to East of Eighth and saw my first live singing drag queen and thus began my obsession with those ladies with duck tape and tracks with fierce background vocals and chords of steal. I can't complain, my time here in NYC has been fabulous. I have been surrounded by beautiful things and some wonderful experiences, but heart still belongs to the place of endless skies and beautiful earth kissing the bottom of my toes.
THE MEN OF NYC....
are and will continue to be my biggest weakness in this damn city. We did not have boys that looked them in NC. Diversity is a joke in the South. In my town there was Black, White and Mexican and two Asian families, who owned both the Chinese spots and the dry cleaners...no lie. So imagine when I got here and was introduced to the South Africans, the Greeks, The Dominicans, and every other type of men. I went crazy. I was in heat. The heat soon wore off when I realized that finding a man to love you more than three hours became a little difficult. I just kept thinking did I really move all the way here to feel just as alone as I was in NC. I knew that because there were men who were out and about. Proud of who they were men, men without shame, men who moved to this same place for self expression and freedom; they were surely determine to couple and pair up and settle down like all the other models of families I remember seeing.
Being invited to VIP events, the theater, fashion shows and premieres have all been great and beautiful. My journey has lead me to realize that they have also have made my head very cloudy and noisy and they've also been very time consuming. I remember as a child when things were too busy, too loud, too grownup and scary to me, I ran to the outside. I could sit for hours by myself. Taking the Earth in between my toes, smelling the earth and getting so absolutely lost in a cloud floating above. I love the beautiful music and poetic beauty of a Southern dialect. How listening to your mother talk on the phone had the ability lull you to sleep. I love how the most important things in the world centered around family. How because of a little taste that your grandmother had in her mouth, dinner was shopped for and prepared before the sun was at it's highest place. I miss the gentle odor of tobacco. I miss sitting on the front porch late in the night while waiting for the house to cool down just a little bit. I miss sitting close to adults and having them clothe you in wisdom and knowledge. People in the South aren't stupid or slow, we are a more simple people. We say what we need to say, when we need to say it. I miss it's beauty. I miss it's welcoming. I miss people being open and ready to give and receive love. There is a beautiful chamber in my heart that lights up when I see an open field or a blue sky. I sit alone a lot closing my eyes and trying to feel the embrace of the place that reared me and taught me life. Love you NC.